� �All things Trek are owned by Paramount/ Viacom. � No copyright infringement is intended.�Also I would like to thank Lor for allowing me to pirate her story and rewrite it.�

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Regrets
���� It is illogical to feel this way,and yet every time I see her with his child I must use the deepest of meditations to eliminate the emotions that wells up from the dark recesses of my soul.� His dark tan skin, and black hair, I can see almost the face of one of my sons.� Again those thoughts are illogical, and I dig deep down to bury them, my sons are all grown men now Seth, my eldest is himself now a father. I made my choices long ago, now I must live with them and how they haunt me...

� � � I can not walk by� them, my captain and her family without fighting those visions deep inside of me: T'Pel pregnet with Seth, how even though heavy with child she was still graceful,elegent... the first time I held my eldest son, with is eyes so like his mother that I thought him beautiful...

�� Yesterday evening was the most traumatic to my psyche.�� � I saw her sitting in the garden, the one Kes cultivated for the sake of the ships moral. She had the little one in her arms, singing softly.� I recognized the song as one she often sang to herself while off duty and vaguely I could hear my mates voice... until then I had never realized how alike the two women's voices were. �The little one began to cry, so she slid down the bodice of her dress.� She brushed his cheek against the soft ivory curve, and the wee one opened his mouth to clasp her rose tipped nipple.� The babe continued to suck hungrily. Yet I see T'Pel's coffee colored breast and her chocolate colored nipples, �and Seth's mouth hungrily suckling at her breast. � There is a painting on Earth, one called Madonna and Child.� It is an earth thing, but it reminded me of this moment.� The moment being more awe inspiring than the painting that had survived hundreds of� years.� Her black hair hung in curls around her shoulders.� Her brown eyes sparkled as she looked at the priceless treasure with all the love in her heart.� It was a private moment, of which no one has a right to intrude, this powerful bonding between mother and child.� The picture was too absolutely perfect so like the one I was now a witness to here in the hydroponics bay with Captain Janeway and her son.�� Does the Commander realize� how lucky of a man he is? Not only does he have the woman he loves and can awaken each day beside her, �but also she has given him a child who he can see develop and grow.�� I turn to leave from the private scene, not bothering to bury the ache inside of me.� I go to lock myself in� my office, hoping I can put aside the images that torture me with my family...whom are so very far away.

I walked out the door, just as the Commander walked in.� I catch his eye, and for a brief second incredible jealous washes over his face. Then he realizes who he is getting jealous over, an emotionless Vulcan.� He greets me with a warm smile, as I pass.� He loves her with all of his being.� There isn't a time that I have known him, that I did not know this I only pray that unlike me he never puts 'Duty' ahead of them and justify it by promising himself that 'once this assignment is over he will spend time with them'. � I nodded and continue walking with the ever present� straight face. Knowing that the 'assignments' never seem to end, and when you finally stop and realize how much you've missed... it may be to late, you may be...in the Delta Quadrant, 75 years away from the life you could have had; 75 years away from the life you'd give anything to have back.